The cold bluish light of dawn was all she needed to make her way to the big red barn. A soft yellow glow spilled out on the grass from the big door left open just a crack. He must be inside already, she thought. She hesitated a moment, but continued on despite the pell-mell beating of her heart. She had to see, even if she got in trouble. She just had to.
The galoshes made a soft sucking sound as she neared the opening to the barn, her feet sinking in the mud. She pulled them slowly from their prison and crept to the backside of the doorway, peering through the crack and holding her breath. A lantern burned not far from her, sitting like a sentinel on the dirt floor. She couldn't see him yet, but she could hear him.
She moved quickly, stealthy as a ferrel cat, around the big sliding door and into the shadows of the metal corrals. She crouched low and listened.
"Now c'mon, you rascal..." Daddy's voice was low, guttural and strained. "C'mon... Just a little bit. It'll make you feel better, I promise."
Trinity moved cautiously along the back wall of the barn, keeping to the shadowy darkness. She wasn't ready to talk to him yet. She didn't know if she was mad, exactly, but she wasn't ready to talk to him either. She started around the corner, peeking first to make sure she wasn't going to bump right into him.
"There ya go, fella. That's it," Daddy was bent in half, his broad back to her and the reason for all that grunting Trinity imagined. He was a big man, her daddy. A man's man, her Mama liked to say, although she wasn't sure what that meant. She started across the aisle way behind him, slowly and quietly, desperate to make the shadows once more.
 |
| Photo Credit: Jenny MacLennan |
Suddenly he let out a groan, "C'mon, you scalawag!" The sharpness of his voice sent her scurrying for the corner faster than she wanted. The only thing that saved her from discovery was the bawling of the calf wedged between her Daddy's legs. They scuffled a moment as Trinity settled herself in the corner, pulling the duck coat around her legs as she sat, back against the wall to watch.
"One more time, lil fella. One more and I think you'll have it," she watched as he patiently pried at the calf's mouth with a thumb and inserted the big red nipple. The baby looked almost as tired as her Daddy.
Trinity scanned the barn floor and let her gaze settle on something in the opposite corner. A large blue tarp, mounded over a set of four stiff legs pooled in mournful disarray. That was her. Mama's bottle calf from when they were first married. She looked back at the puffing figure of her Daddy and the little bull calf suckling the bottle he held. She watched as the milk in the container slowly drained and the wild look of the baby calmed as his tummy filled. Silently he let the nipple flick from his upturned mouth, white foamy stuff making a smiley face on his soft black muzzle.
He stared at her there in the shadows, searching her out, making her fear discovery. She pulled her knees in tighter and peered at those soft brown eyes as her Daddy's legs opened and released him. He didn't move right away, just stood tottering there as if he'd accepted that would always be his home.
Her daddy tilted his hat back, wiping a sheen of sweat from his brow with the back of his arm and the same colored duck coat she wore. His big frame slid down the wall of the barn as he sat in the dirt next to his charge. He spoke softly to the calf, so soft and low Trinity couldn't make it out. His big hands, calloused and hard, stroked the little bulls neck and back as gently as he touched her and Mama.
She shifted in her position against the wall and the calf snapped his gaze to her. Daddy finally looked into the shadow and found here there, crouched tightly and now shivering against the chill.
"C'Mere," he motioned with his hand and patted the ground next to him, too tired to sound gruff or even move.
Trinity stood slowly and made her way around the corrals to her Daddy's side. She slunk down to sit in the dirt beside him and he pulled her across his lap, cradling her in his wide arms. She warmed almost immediately as the two sat silently for a minute, not saying a word.
"Millie's dead, isn't she Daddy?"
"Yes, Puddin', she is." Trinity scanned his face. His eyes were closed, his head leaned back against the wooden wall and as small as she was she could feel exhaustion flood off of him.
"That her calf?"
"Yup."
"Mama's sad."
"I know. I'm sad too."
Trinity shook her head, "No Daddy. You can't be sad. You yelled. I heard you."
His eyes slowly opened and he scanned her face before he spoke, "Of course I'm sad, Trinity. Yelling don't mean I ain't sad. Only means I feel so sad I don't know how else to talk."
She looked him over, contemplating this revelation. "You yelled because you're sad? That don't make sense, Daddy. You're a big strong man and you only yell when you're mad."
He looked past her to watch as the calf nosed at the tarp and let out a bawl. He squeezed his eyes shut as the noise subsided, "Puddin', big strong men yell for a lot of reasons. Very few of them are because it makes sense."
The little bull tottered over to them, stretching out his nose to Trinity and blowing softly to smell her better. She reached a tentative, chubby hand to him and watched as he investigated her fingers for milk.
"Can we call him Milton?"
"If Mama says it's ok," He scratched the little head that pulled away suddenly, sending the baby careening backward on unsteady legs and landing in a pile not far from them.
She giggled quietly and pushed her cheek into the canvas of his coat. She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of him: mud, cattle, blood, dung. "Are you sad because Mama is sad?"
"Yup."
"Me too."
"We need to go back to the house before she finds you missing, Trinity." Daddy scooped her up and set her on her booted feet as he took her hand. "Let's close up the corral for now. I'll let you feed Milton in an hour or two."
"Okay."
He pulled the big cross aisle gate closed and they watched as Milton settled down next to the tarp, his wild baby legs tangled underneath himself, his brown eyes watching them go.
"I wanna help you bury her, Daddy."
He hesitated.
"Mama's too sad, but I wanna help. She was a good cow."
His big hand slapped gently at her back and he pulled his hat down low on his eyes. She was sure he did it so she wouldn't see the tears, but she saw them anyway. Daddy didn't say anything, just nodded real quick.
Trinity watched Milton over her shoulder as she called back, "We'll be back, Milton. You hang tough."
No comments:
Post a Comment